10 o’clock brunch anyone?

Last week my mom invited all the women in our family over to her home for a 10:00 breakfast. I’m just gonna call it brunch because in my household we are all early risers, so our day was set to be breakfast…brunch….lunch. I always feel really out of place at big breakfasts because I don’t like breakfast food, I just don’t, never have. My kids really don’t either. I”ll admit that most mornings we have cereal, oatmeal with some fruit or once in a great while my ladies will get the treat of a frozen waffle. There are mornings when I wake up, make biscuits and gravy, monkey bread, or something that you would think my kids would love only to find out that they didn’t really get the breakfast gene either. So, I don’t do it much unless it’s a special occasion or my husband is home to eat with us. I usually have coffee and my daily Kind bar and I’m set until lunch. I feel like everyone is wondering why I’m not enjoying several donuts and greasy bacon…but it’s just not my thing. I’m telling you all of this because when I’m invited to a big meal, it takes some convincing for me to get myself to go. For me sitting around eating doesn’t equal fun, and it took me a long time to unravel my relationship with food. For a very long part of my life people constantly questioned what and how much I was eating and I just wanted to enjoy my Saturday morning coffee and granola bar.

I know…a lot goes through my head when someone invites me to brunch right?! Fortunately for me and my children, I love the ladies in my family and this day turned out so much better than I’m sure any of us could have ever imagined. My grandmother had 5 children (God bless her), 3 daughters and 2 sons. The daughters then had 4 girls and now we have children, so you can imagine we are a big group of women and it can be a bit difficult to get us all together. I walked in with my 3 kiddos, fruit bowl in hand and of course my little guy’s new toy mower and everyone was already relaxing inside. As we went outside and sat down my mom informed us all that she wanted each one of us to take an index card and write something encouraging down for every lady. Some of us rolled our eyes, some were feisty (maybe me maybe not) with her but we all agreed and a few got to writing. No big deal.

UNTIL…it may have been that she was on meds for her strep throat…it may have been the heat of the day….it may have been that her husband was sick and she had been alone with her kids but my BFF (my daughter once called her my “bif if” , it started one day when she was trying to read BFF) and cousin decided it would be a better choice to speak our words aloud. Let me tell you a bit about our family, we have been through a lot; loss, divorce, long term deployments, marital issues, broken hearts, lies, anxiety, depression…in other words life has happened.

But something amazing happened, she spoke those words, and then the rest of us followed. And let me tell you what came from all of those nasty, evil, heartbreaking parts of our stories that I mentioned above; tears, forgiveness, love, joy, laughter, peace , goodness, healing, understanding, truth and support. We all said things that needed to be said that we wouldn’t have ever written on paper. It wasn’t all happy, some of the things that have happened were horrible, but they were real and they helped shape us all into the women we are today. I think that too often we forget the power of spoken words and it breaks my heart to think of all the conflicts, miscommunications and issues that wouldn’t exist if we gave those words the value they deserve. I fully believe that text messages, emails and Facebook accounts are not healthy avenues for working out issues.

So my lessons for the day:

Don’t let your own issues get in the way of doing something fun. Nobody cared what I ate, it’s just an old wound that can open itself back up and I’m aware of it and so completely happy I spent the day there. In the past I have felt under attack for my food choices and that was not the case at all here.
Tell people what you think of them. Tell them what you appreciate, what you love, when you are concerned for their well being. Tell them you’re sorry. Don’t email them, don’t write a card, don’t put it on Facebook for the world to see, tell them to their face. Yes, it might make you feel a little bit bad or uncomfortable, but you might need to feel a bit badly or uncomfortable.
The next generation of ladies. They have no idea how blessed they are to have so many fantastic women in their lives!

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22

A good woman is hard to find

I have never been the one with all the cool girlfriends. I’m honestly not really comfortable around women, especially when we are attending a new event and my social butterfly of a husband drops me with the wives and goes off to chat. I’d much rather stay in with my kiddos. I appreciate that men and children tend to be straight forward and they can deal with things and move on. However, it’s not that I believe strong, supportive, kind women don’t exist, I just feel that for some reason little girls grow up thinking they are of value if they have a lot of friends, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

drain

Upon hearing this, it may seem shocking that this past Saturday I spent the afternoon with a bunch of women. Some friends and I spent the day at True Essence Tranquility pampering ourselves to mini spa treatments. It was pretty close to heaven….this is how our day went:

Ride to the spa in my cousin’s husband’s new truck that we may or may not have lost a part to on the way. Chatting the whole way without any children interrupting.
Meet up with the other ladies for lunch.
Head to the spa where right when you walk in the door you remove your shoes and get rid of purses and cell phones.
We all were taken to a room with yummy fruits, snacks, cozy pillows and a fireplace to relax before our sessions began.
We are brought mimosas and cupcakes since it’s my buddy’s birthday weekend. (Can you believe they had my FAVE red velvet AND it was gluten free???? Seriously…heaven)
Finally, the ladies came to get us and we rotated between hot stone facials, massages and reiki treatments.

The time at the spa was amazing in and of itself, the women that worked there joked that we walked in loud and giggly and they watched each one of us quiet down and relax, but my favorite part of the day was who I spent it with. I left feeling energized and hopeful and blessed by the mere presence of these women in my life. Some are greatly infused in my life, others I might only see a few times a year, but I thought it was important to share what they all bring into my life. Just in case you are the woman who is sitting at home now thinking about the holiday party you have to attend with your husband and his co-workers and you just dread meeting new people. You never know who God will bring into your life. He has a funny way of doing that right when you need it.

strong

Miss J: I can’t say enough about this woman. You know how you have that one person in your life who knows everything? She’s known me since we were infants and we have went through A LOT together. Family vacations lying on pontoon boats looking at the stars, many long nights of super Mario, jammin’ out to Bon Jovi, partying with me in college, being a part of eachothers’ weddings, having babies, and now attending spa days. We spend hours on the phone during tornadoes because it never fails that both of our husbands are at military training when the sirens go off! We just don’t do life without each other. She’s that friend that you can look across the room and all of a sudden you can’t contain your giggles. She’s a sister to me, so spending the day with her was a great addition to our list of memories together.
Miss T: If people have soulmates other than their spouses than this is mine. I met her in one of those situations I wasn’t quite comfortable in. My husband had left my aunt’s house to chat a few houses over and I’m pretty sure I trudged down the road after him because I was ready to leave with my 2 little ladies. She and I just hit it off and we were family. This woman is my absolute encourager in any situation, motherhood, marriage, running, eating well, with no hesitation. I need her, she’s there. I think making a friend when you know what you stand for is pretty meaningful. As an adult, hopefully you do some careful consideration before someone becomes a part of your life. You aren’t just being someone’s friend so you can go to their sleepover with the cool kids. She’s my shoulder to cry on and practical head when I need it. I’m not sure a blessing is even a strong enough word to describe her presence in my life.
Miss S: This woman came into my life again as a stranger at a party of another friend. She is one of the most generous, family oriented people I know. She’s always up for a good time and will do anything for you. A couple years ago, my husband and I had 2 foster girls living with us and without hesitation she helped me out many times and came over to watch them while I went to work. She was my saving grace and didn’t think twice about it.
Miss JH: Same story as Miss S, this lady and I don’t see each other often. I knew of her children before I met her because they attended the school I worked at. (I knew them from their reputation of having good behavior, fyi) She is the cool mom. She always looks put together and is hilarious. I am so fond of her heart for animals and Disney. Somehow she’s managed to be gentle and strong at the same time. I especially appreciate her advice and tips on nursing. She has mentioned several times that I can call her any time with questions and although I haven’t had the opportunity to take her up on it, I know she would be happy to help!

I know this post may seem sappy, but taking the time to appreciate the positive women in your life is important. They don’t have to be your best friend, you don’t have to be on the phone for hours a day, but we should support and encourage each other. All of these women are just being themselves and don’t even realize they are such a blessing to me. You can be that to others. Take the time to invest in friendships even if you aren’t that comfortable. I left that spa day feeling so rejuvenated. I don’t know if it was the day without kids, the laughing about our crazy husbands, the hot stone facial or the mimosas, but I think it may have to do with the fact that I spent the day with four completely different, smart, beautiful, strong women who value being a wife and mommy and taking a break, even if it’s at spa day once a year.